There are a lot of things to make sure you have down when you’re trying to date. The most important one, however, is probably the conversation. A good conversation can convince anyone to decide to go on a second date with you, even if you’re not the wealthiest or most attractive thing they’ve laid their eyes on.
Making good conversation can be tough for some, though. If you’re shy or introverted, you know your personality doesn’t do well with a lot of talking. Still, there will be times when it’s necessary to do so. (Such as when you’re using an app like Dragonfruit for instance.) We’re here to try and make the act easier.
To start, make sure you ask questions. Asking questions is the best way to show interest in someone. You’ve probably heard that it also gets the other person talking so that you don’t have to. This is true, but really, you should not only expect but hope, the other person asks questions about you as well. Again, interest. Ask about what they do for a living. What are their hobbies? If you’re not too familiar with them, try to avoid asking things that are too personal, like relationships with family. (Questions like: “How much you get paid?” or “What that mouth do, tho?” are probably not the best either.)
When it comes to your answers, try and be descriptive. Short answers are the best way to put someone off and make them believe you’d rather be anywhere else. It shows a lack of interest. In fact, in some situations, it may come off as leading the person on (note, this pertains to people you’ve been talking to for a longer time). If you can’t help but give a simple answer, ask a question of your own afterward. Playoff whatever topic you’re currently talking about if you’re having trouble thinking of one.
If you’ve made it beyond the get-to-know stage of the conversation and things start to stall, just remember (assuming you found one another using Dragonfruit) that both of you are geeks. Talk about your geeky interests. If you don’t know much about the other person’s geekdom, then this is where asking questions comes in handy. If you both share a love for the same property, even better! Bring up things you like and don’t like about it. Get into a debate. If the two of you seem to agree on everything, then just have fun geeking out over it. Keep things light.
People like humor. Tell a joke. It’s the easiest way to see if you share a connection with the individual you’re with. That said, don’t force comedy (unless your goal is to make things awkward.) Find humor in the topics or situations you and your date find yourselves in so that it comes out naturally. A natural joke brings about natural laughter, while the opposite brings about awkward, please-kill-me-now silence.
If you’re looking to try and get into a serious relationship, you also want to make sure you don’t hide or mask your sense of humor, no matter how twisted or stupid you think it is. Doing so would essentially be hiding away a major part of who you are. Don’t think you aren’t funny. You know what makes you laugh and therefore know what kind of jokes you would like to hear. If your date doesn’t find what you find funny, then you won’t last long as a couple, and no one likes having someone suddenly switch their personality in the middle of a relationship. It’ll turn out to be a huge waste of time for both of you.
The most important thing to remember is to go into a conversation relaxed. It’s not the end of the world if a date doesn’t go well so long as you don’t give up on yourself afterward. If you butcher a conversation and do end up in that awkward, please-kill-me silence, make light of it, and go from there. Your date might be just as nervous as you are.
Should you still be in the “app-stage” and don’t get a response, don’t dwell on it. They probably wouldn’t have been much fun anyway. Besides, the more you converse, the easier things get.
This is part one of an ongoing series of dating advice articles by JJ! Check in soon for part two.